I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
