I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
