booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
