I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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