We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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