I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
