Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
