i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
