K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
