I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
