Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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