the condom got lost in my hair
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
