Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
