It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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