Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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