Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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