My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
