you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
