in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
