So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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