Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
