What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
