So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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