Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
