I faked an abortion last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
