They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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