Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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