honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
