it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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