I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
