Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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