Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
