what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
