I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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