I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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