I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
