You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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