I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
