I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
