You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
