shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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