I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
