The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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