I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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