I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
