Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
