I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
