apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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