Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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