"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
