Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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