oh god the rape fog is back!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
