i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
