I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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