sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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