I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
