so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
