so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
