I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
